


Smart, Shirtless and Single

by misura



Category: Eureka
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-04
Updated: 2008-07-04
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1630118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't buy love, but you can bid on getting a date. [pre-season 1 finale, Jack Carter/Nathan Stark]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smart, Shirtless and Single

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whetherwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whetherwoman/gifts).



> Written for whetherwoman

"Don't think of it as an auction," Henry said, filling out Jack's age on the entry-form. "Think of it as doing your bit for charity."

"By participating in a bachelor-auction."

"Everyone who's male, single and above a certain age takes part." Henry shrugged. "It's tradition."

"Last year's auction brought in well over five-thousand dollars," SARAH chimed in.

"So, are _you_ participating in this?" Jack asked.

"Of course." Henry summoned a set of pictures from somewhere. Most of them seemed to have been taken during the past few weeks, while he'd been passing through town - Jack didn't remember anyone taking his picture, but apparently, someone had. 

"Doctor Deacon's services for a day were bought for four-hundred-ninety-six dollars and forty-one cents," SARAH reported. 

Jack whistled. "That's a lot of money. Who ... "

"Nathan," Henry said, grimacing. "He wanted me to back him up with some calculations; I'd promised him I'd get to it as soon as I'd finished working on a project of my own, but since that wasn't soon enough for him, he used the auction to 're-arrange my priorities'. His words."

"Yeah, that sounds like Stark."

"He _is_ one of the greatest scientists currently alive, Jack." Henry's expression was serious. "If he needs my help, I'm happy to give it to him."

"Okay." Jack decided he'd just let that one slide - no use in starting an argument with Henry about the one subject they'd probably never agree on. "So, is he in this, too?" Divorced equalled single, Jack supposed, except that ... well, he couldn't quite picture Stark going along with something like this.

"Sure." Henry chuckled. "There's probably going to be quite the bidding war."

"Oh, yeah - smart, sexy, great social skills ... easy to see why he'd be popular."

Henry chuckled again. "You should be proud. Here in Eureka, we value brains over beauty - people will bid on Nathan because they know he's smart, not because they think he's good-looking. Well, except for you, that is."

"Hey!" Jack protested. "I'm not going to bid on Stark! In fact, I have no intention of bidding on anyone at all. Now, if _Allison_ was up for bids ... "

"You'd ... what?" Henry'd gone back to looking serious, and just a little bit exasperated. "The fact that only people who are single take part does _not_ mean it's some sort of way to get a date when you haven't got the guts to simply _ask_ someone. It's just something to collect money, something fun. The rules are very clear about what's acceptable to ask and what isn't."

"Like making someone spend a week on your pet-project after he's told you he's busy with a project of his own." Jack couldn't resist the dig, especially not because well, yeah, he guessed Henry had a point. If Jack wanted a date with Allison, he should just invite her for one, not try to win some auction.

"Mmm." Henry's reaction was carefully non-committal.

"If I may say so, Doctor Deacon, I think that Sheriff Carter looks quite attractive on that picture in the right corner," SARAH said.

Henry clicked on the thumbnail, causing the picture to pop up in Jack's profile for the auction. "Thanks, SARAH. Jack, what do you think?"

"Is that a picture of me in the _shower_?"

*

"Does this office look dirty to you?" Jack asked Jo the next day, enjoying his second cup of coffee for the day and deciding that although SARAH did a great job, there was no beating Vince.

Jo looked at him for about half a minute, then slowly let her gaze travel around the room. "Not particularly. Why?"

"Nope, sorry, can't tell you - it's a seeecret." Jack grinned.

"Right." Jo went back to pretending she was reading a manual while in reality, Jack knew, she was reading some kind of girly magazine which this month included a test to figure out whether or not the time was right to ask That Special Someone out on a date. (Jack had taken the test three times, receiving the answers 'no way', 'maybe next year' and 'maybe in a few months', at which point he'd figured the test was useless and a complete waste of his time.)

"Oh, okay, you talked me into it. I'm going to win Stark in that auction-thing and make him clean this place."

Jo turned a page.

"You can tell me what a great idea it is now," said Jack.

Jo closed the manual. "You're going to force the head of Global Dynamics, whose assistance you need almost every day, to scrub the floor and take out the trash. Sure, Carter, sounds like a really smart plan. Next time you need access to Global, maybe he'll roll out the red carpet for you."

"I'm not going to 'force' him into doing anything. I've read the rules, you know. Henry explained everything. And if I want Stark to play the cleaning- er, to clean this place, then that's what he's going to do. No arguments."

"Well," Jo said, depositing her empty cup in the recycle-bin, "it's your choice."

*

" - oh, and good luck with the bidding, Sheriff," Vince said, handing over Jack's and Henry's lunch. "I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you." 

"Yeah, thanks, Vince," Jack replied, making his way back to the table where Henry was sitting with a laptop. "Doesn't anyone keep any secrets around here?"

Henry grinned. "Bidding's public, so no, when it comes to the auction, there's not a lot of secrecy. Why? Does it bother you?"

"Not really, I guess." Jack sighed and stared at Henry's plate - the 'specialty of the day'. It looked green and purple with a few spots of white and red. "So, how am I doing?"

"Pret-ty well."

"Pret-ty well," Jack repeated. "I guess that means 'a lot better than you'd expect from someone who doesn't know as much about science as most people around here do'."

Henry raised his hands. "Those are your words," he said. "Not mine."

Jack took a bite of his burger. For all of Vince's complaints about burgers being an uninspired, boring type of lunch, he still knew how to prepare them exactly the way Jack liked them. If there was one thing Jack'd miss about Eureka, it would have to be the food. The crazy scientists and even crazier inventions he could do without; Vince's food and coffee, Jack feared, he'd become rather attached to.

"Better than Stark?"

"No."

"More or less than half as good as Stark?"

"Jack." Henry sighed. "This is _not_ a competition. You can't 'win' or 'lose' - or do 'better' or 'worse' than someone else. It's an auction, and the money goes towards a charity. Everyone's a winner."

"Some just more than others." Jack took another bite, then asked: "Better than you?"

*

"Good morning, Sheriff Carter," SARAH said, two days later.

"It is, SARAH, believe me. In fact, it's a _great_ morning. And do you know why?"

"Probably because that stupid auction's finally over," Zoe said. "SARAH, tea?"

"You didn't place any bids, did you?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"Actually, yes, I did." Zoe grabbed a piece of toast and started to butter it. "But of course, because my allowance is only a tenth of what everyone else in my class is getting, I didn't stand a chance."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Jack said, his tone making it clear he wasn't. "SARAH, coffee. If you want more money, you should get a job."

"Well, I _would_ , except that my father won't let me."

"Hey, I'd let you get a job. As long as it's safe, nearby and not going to interfere with your homework." Zoe's expression indicated she rested her case, and would be willing to argue about it during the rest of breakfast. Jack decided a change in subject was called for. "Who'd you want to bid on, anyway?"

Now that Jack thought about it, maybe Zoe'd just wanted a tutor or something. That wasn't such a bad idea, actually - he should have thought of that himself, perhaps chipped in. _Think first, yell later._ Zoe's attitude didn't help, though; she always seemed to want to argue with him.

"Taggart."

Jack frowned. Not exactly the first person he'd consider for tutoring. "Why him?"

"He offered a twenty-four-hour crash-course in How To Make Sure the Guy Who's Bothering You Today Spends the Next Three Weeks in the Hospital. Or How to Survive For a Year in the Australian Wilderness With Only a Spoon and a Pencil Sharpener, but that one didn't sound as interesting."

Jack took a deep breath and slowly counted to ten. "You're grounded," he said, at 'five'.

"But - " Zoe said, at 'seven'.

"Grounded," Jack repeated at 'ten'.

"That's not fair!"

*

Surprisingly (or maybe not, Jack realized a little too late), Stark was waiting for him. Jack would have liked to believe Stark wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, but the truth was that Stark looked anything but unhappy to be where he was. In fact, he seemed even smugger than usual.

He also wasn't wearing a shirt. "Sheriff. You're late."

"No, _you're_ early," Jack said. "Morning, Jo."

"Carter." Jo nodded, grabbed an impressive-looking gun and headed for the door. "Doctor Stark. I'll be taking the rest of the day off. Enjoy."

"One second," Jack said to Stark, spurting after Jo, who raised one eyebrow as he caught up with her outside. "Where do you think you're going with that?"

"With what?" Jo asked, dropping the gun on the backseat.

"The - the big, huge gun you just tossed in the back of your car like it was nothing."

"Paintball," Jo said, then smiled and added, a little cryptically: "Taggart."

"O-kay," said Jack, as he slowly added two and two together and arrived at: "You won the bid? But I thought Taggart gave some sort of course on how to incapacitate people, or how to survive in the jungle with just a fork and a pencil-sharpener."

"Spoon, not fork," corrected Jo. "And it depends on who's won."

That made sense, Jack supposed. Jo probably didn't need lessons in how to defend herself, anyway.

"Well, congratulations," he said.

"Thanks, Carter. You have a nice day, too."

Jack knew a hint to get back to the office when he heard one.

*

When he got back, Stark was still shirtless. It was Summer, and going to be a fairly hot day at that, acording to SARAH's weather-report, but it still seemed wrong. Stark wore expensive-looking suits and walked around accompanied by at least two men in black with sunglasses, and one bumbling assistant.

Ergo, the man leaning against the wall of the Sheriff's office was not Stark, no matter how much he might look like it. No matter how much that smirk of his might look like Stark's. There was no way Stark's upper body could be that well-muscled, anyway - the man spent his days as head of a corporation and scientist, after all.

Jack realized he'd forgotten to pass Vince on his way in to get some coffee. Perhaps, he reflected sourly, it had been a bit premature to call this a 'good morning'; he didn't really want to leave a Stark-lookalike (or a real Stark under the influence of some thing or another) alone in his office, but he didn't want to go without coffee, either.

"Could you - " Well, in theory, Stark was here to do whatever Jack wanted, wasn't he? Asking him to get coffee was surely a reasonable request, perfectly permissable by the rules. "Would you get me some coffee?" He should probably pay for it himself, though. Stark could certainly afford to treat him, but it wouldn't be right to demand it. Jack fished his wallet out of his pocket. "Oh, and uh get some for yourself, if you want." Not liking Stark was no reason to forget his good manners.

Stark gave him a look that was a little strange, but took the money and left without any verbal comment. Jack felt oddly relieved once the door had closed behind him - he wasn't sure what he'd expected, precisely, but he was fairly sure that it hadn't been a shirtless Stark, quietly obeying his every command. Well, getting him coffee, anyway. It was all a bit weird.

Deciding he'd think more about it later (or perhaps even talk about it to Henry), Jack took stock of what he'd intended for Stark to do around the office. Jo had mentioned scrubbing the floor, and at the time, it had seemed a good idea (and a fairly entertaining fantasy) but in reality, Jack didn't like it quite so much. It seemed rather petty and immature. He didn't want to see Stark on his knees _that_ badly.

The windows were cleaned weekly, the files were all arranged in order, and both his and Jo's desk were, if not clean, then at least filled with stuff that they wanted to keep there.

So. Not exactly a lot of jobs he could ask Stark to take care of. On the other hand, he'd paid close to a hundred dollars in order to get Stark at his beck and call for twenty-four hours, and it would be a shame to let all of that go to waste. Clearly, he'd need to come up with _something_.

Jack sighed. Trust Stark to give him a headache even when he was compelled to do everything Jack wanted.

*

" - so I figured I'd bring him here to see if maybe you needed any help," Jack finished, feeling like he'd blundered somewhere, but not about to admit so within Stark's hearing.

Henry looked less than thrilled. Stark's expression had reverted to it's usual one that said 'I'm smarter than you are, but for the moment, I'll refrain from commenting on your complete idiocy'.

"Well, I mean, last year, you helped _him_ ," Jack said, defensively.

"And if I'd wanted him to return the favor this year, don't you think I'd have placed a bid of my own?"

"I thought maybe I'd outbid you," Jack lied - SARAH had kept him informed of any and all bids on practically anyone he knew in Eureka. He lowered his voice slightly. "Come on, Henry, help me out here. Isn't there _anything_ you can use him for?"

Henry'd beaten both him and Stark, according to SARAH. Taggart had finished highest - Jo had to have been really desperate for that game of paintball. Fargo had finished somewhere in the middle, while Vince had brought in almost as much as Taggart, promising an exclusive dinner for two with twelve courses, candle-light and a 'very special dessert'.

"You won him," Henry said, rather coldly, Jack thought.

"The knowledge of how wanted I am makes me feel all warm and fuzzy," Stark commented, sauntering over to Henry's working-table to take a look at some of the sketches.

"Just .... take him home and let him make you a sandwich or something." Henry made a shooing gesture. "Sorry, Jack, but I'm working on something here and I _don't_ need any help."

"Not my specialty, anyway," Stark said absently. "Although give me a few days and I'd be able to tell you how to build this thing and have it be at least twice as efficient."

"Those are the old designs," Henry informed him.

"Oh, good," said Stark. "I'd hate to think you were losing your edge."

"And I'd appreciate hearing your opinion on the new ones ... tomorrow."

Stark put down the papers, more or less arranged as they had been before. "Always happy to oblige."

"What happened to your shirt, anyway?" Henry asked, glancing at Jack.

"Nothing," said Stark.

"I didn't take it!" Jack said quickly. "I mean, why would I want to? He - " Jack jabbed a finger at Stark, to make it clear who was the guilty party in this, " - just showed up without it. Honestly."

Henry looked at Stark, who looked back and shrugged.

"All right, Jack, I believe you," Henry said gravely. "Now, I've got a lot of work to do ... "

"You know, there's a lot of work _I_ could be doing, too," Stark commented to Jack as they left Henry's garage. "I mean, if all you want is someone to stand next to you and make you sound dumb, why don't you let me lend you Fargo?"

"Nice try, but nope, not going to happen," Jack said.

"Sex, then? Frankly, I'm getting a bit bored."

*

"You did _not_ just say what I thought you were saying."

Stark cocked his head. "No? What are you basing that assumption on?"

"It's - you're - I'm - it wasn't _that_ kind of auction! Henry told me!" Jack mentally replayed the conversation he'd had with Henry about the topic. "He said - " - that the auction wasn't meant for people to wriggle out of actually having to _ask_ someone on a date. That the purpose of the auction was to do something fun.

"Yes, and then _you_ said you thought I was - oh, what was it again? Smart, sexy and in possession of great social skills." Stark smirked. "And then you put up a nude-picture in your profile."

"It wasn't a nude-picture!" Jack protested. "I just ... wasn't wearing any clothes in it."

Stark gave him one of his special looks. 'You're so incredibly, unbelievably stupid,' it said. 'If I weren't so busy feeling smart and superior, I'd almost feel sorry for you.'

"Henry picked the picture," Jack added, a bit weakly.

Stark's expression didn't change.

"If I wanted to date you, I'd ask you!" Jack said.

"Well, I'm listening," said Stark. "Now's your chance. You have," - Stark checked his watch - "for at least nineteen more hours, my undivided attention."

"Unless something unexpected and urgent comes up." And was there ever a day in Eureka when something unexpected and urgent _didn't_ come up?

"Oh, yes, the world might end sometime later today, doesn't it?" Stark didn't sound particularly concerned. "Better hurry up then."

"I want to date you because the world might end later today?" Jack asked.

"You want to date me because I'm smart, sexy and shirtless," Stark corrected.

"Actually, only one out of those three."

Stark looked pensive for a moment. "You want to date me because I'm shirtless?"

"Because you're smart," Jack said. "And not a complete jerk all the time. And because when I'm almost ready to give up, you manage to piss me off and keep me going. Lots of reasons."

"At least you don't claim they're _good_ reasons."

*  
[epilogue]  
*  


"I hadn't expected to see you here again today," Henry said, looking up from his drawings. "And wearing a shirt, no less."

"Well, I'd promised you I'd take a look at these, hadn't I?"

"Tomorrow."

"I expect to be busy tomorrow." Stark grinned.

Henry looked puzzled for a moment, then understanding. "You didn't tell him."

"And spoil the surprise? Gods forbid." Stark bend over the drawings. "Oh, this is _good_."

"It's my specialty," Henry said.

"At least five times as efficient as the old one - hmmm, yes, that would work. I'm impressed."

"Thank you. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything but that."

"Why the shirt?"

"Ah." Stark smiled, fingering his tie. "I figured Carter might need a bit of a hint. A not-so-subtle one. Besides, I'd already seen _him_ without a shirt; it only seemed fair to return the favor. I owe you for that, by the way."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Not even an apology for last year?" Henry said nothing. "Come work at Global again, Henry," Stark pressed. "You could work twice as fast, and with far better equipment than what you've got here. You'd get to see Kim every day."

"I'll ... think about it," Henry said reluctantly. "So, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Oh," said Stark casually, "I thought I might let him clean my office. Shirtless, of course." 

 


End file.
